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I'm finally letting go of the idea of us

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It doesn’t seem too long ago that we weren’t just an idea. But reality. At least some fantasy I wanted to see become reality. That’s what I held onto. Every false promise. Every false lead. Letting go so easily, every time you disappointed me or let me down because I thought just maybe if I loved you hard enough or tried hard enough maybe you’d realize what I saw from the beginning.



We were a stream of trial and error. Running in these circles. Coming in and out of each other’s lives and I thought it was a sign. A sign that we found our way back to each other every time. No matter what happened we always found our way again. No matter how we might have hurt each other or let each other down. And no matter how wrong we might have been for each other, neither of us could deny the fact that there was something stronger there. A force greater than both of us. I was pompous to think our history and a past I couldn’t let go of entitled me to your future. But I wanted it to be you. God damn, I…

I Stopped Blaming Myself For Your Inability To Love Me

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I stopped questioning myself. I stopped asking myself all these toxic questions about my self-worth, my looks or my character. I stopped being so hard on myself and magnifying every little flaw. 

I stopped expecting myself to be perfect so I can feel good enough for you. I’ll always be a work in progress but I’ll always be enough for the one who truly cares. I stopped comparing myself to your exes; wishing I was a certain color, a certain height or a certain age. I stopped trying so hard to be like them and spent more time trying to be myself, trying to be a better person, trying to be the best for the one who truly deserves me. I stopped putting you on a pedestal. I stopped thinking you’re flawless. I stopped believing that I should be the only one bending so I could mold myself into being the one you want. I stopped being the victim — letting you break my heart and calling it love. I stopped letting you ruin love for me. I stopped romanticising tears and heartbreak. I stopped calling un…

This is me finally being authentic

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There are times I don't know my worth. Times I don’t know what I deserve because I feed my fear over my confidence. I don’t know what I’m capable of because I allow the noise around me to silence my voice.

I stay when I should leave because I think that’s loyalty. I keep toxic people in my life because I think that’s what loving people actually means. I do things I don’t want to do because I think I am being selfless. I don’t say what I’m actually feeling because I think I’m choosing my battles.

There are times I don’t love myself. I don’t love my gigantic heart because it gets me in trouble. I don’t love my over-thinking mind because it stops me from being carefree. I don’t love my body because of the barriers I project onto it. I don’t love my anxiety because I can’t run away from it.

There are times I’m my worst enemy. I blame myself about things I’m not proud about my past because I still struggle with being a human. I get disappointed in myself when I fail because I hold mys…

I AM A WOMAN

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With every "that's not ladylike " my voice drops a little lower until it becomes a mosquito tone.
With every "you hit like a girl " my fists collapse at my sides as open palms, begging approval.
With every "why don't u smile " my mouth strings itself up into a logo advertising my own vulnerability.

How dare you wear that?
Say that?
Eat that?
Send that?
Here is a pretty pink mold that's all yours to fill - your very own, just like everyone else's.
Be a leader - but don't be bossy!
Love your body - but never show it!
Impress everyone - but not for the attention!
Swallow every "darling, dear and honey"
Digest every belittling "sweetheart, missy and pumpkin"
Congratulations! You're now a woman. Soft, weak and empty. Don't worry, being who you are isn't "ladylike".

Guess what, enough is enough
Now l know who l am
I am a WOMAN
Let me repeat myself
You obviously weren't listening
I am a strong in…

A Recipe for Love - I hope you find the one

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Everyday is the perfect time to talk about love but with  Valentine's Day around the corner, it has raised more "love talk" sparks  than any other.

We are bombarded with advice on how to find love and keep it, from every friend, family member or even strangers. Wouldn't it be easier if we had a specific recipe for love - a full proof way to bring love into our lives and keep it?

A recipe for love entails truths that help us to love better, stronger and deeper. Love is like baking cake. Sacrifice, selflessness, patience, understanding, peace, faithfulness and kindness are the ingredients. Sprinkle the holy spirit and put a cherry of forgiveness on top.

 And l hope u find that one person.

I hope you find someone who loves you and takes you somewhere nice and l dont mean lavish restaurants or on a costly vacation. I mean, l hope they take you to parts of yourself you haven't seen yet.

I hope they never drag your ankle first into your insecurities. I hope they don&#…

The truth about resolutions

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THE TRUTH ABOUT RESOLUTIONS 

With 2019 around the corner you'll hear people say "new year new me" in multiple occasions. This points to resolutions they are making to bring about major changes in their lives.

 But l ask myself, what can you do today that you were not capable of, 12 months ago? Don't change because a new year is coming up but change for your personal growth nomatter what resolutions you make. They start with you.

The thing is, you will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret to success is found in your daily routine. After all, the last day of a year and the first day of another year are just continuous days.

You see, as individuals we should be able to reflect and figure out ways to improve, but why wait for 31 December to do that? Beware of destination addiction, the idea that happiness is found in the next year, next job or next partner, because until you give that idea that happiness is found somewhere else, happ…