Patriarchy's Unlucky Victims

By Persistance Muunga

Dear men....every time we told you that boys don’t cry, we failed you as a society. We are sorry for forcing you to adhere to a rigidly polarized definition of masculinity - formulated partially on opposing anything resembling femininity.

As a society we have been so concerned on setting a clear framework for what it is to be a man and to be a woman. These are clearly gendered stereotypes, internalized through socialization, rather than pre-existing as a natural process. Yet these ideas were sold as ‘natural’ to you as young men and you grew up with a tendency of wearing masks and hiding natural emotional urges, largely because you were brought up in a society that condemns male emotion.

From being unemotional and power-hungry to narcissistic and violent, you are oftentimes defined by these outdated and unfounded stereotypes which create an unhealthy and unrealistic understanding of what it means to be a man in today’s society.

Little did we know that each single time you avoid vulnerability, act on homophobic beliefs, ignore personal traumas, or exhibit prejudice behaviors against women, this contributes to many larger societal problems. 

If you ask me, masculinity has become fragile through its rigidity. When it cannot afford to hold the panoply of gender expressions, sexual cultural orientations, or feminine strength intrinsic to any pluralistic society, then it must lash out, or risk crumbling under the weight of its own culturally-constituted expectations. 

You are often labeled as perpetrators of sexual assault, violence and suicide and we forget that every behaviour is connected to a need. Don't get me wrong, lm not  justifying some of your inhumane deeds but l just think society often puts pressure on you to “be men” in the traditional sense, rather than simply be human.

For you,  vulnerability is often neglected, dismissed, or combated by society. As a society, we have failed to address the many traumas you face and we often punish behaviors without addressing the underlying issues that lead to those behaviors. We cant birth and raise a generation of men who are simply in survival mode. 

We didnt know that when we treat boys as men and teach them to be emotionless, tough, and secure, we strip them of their innocence and we place unrealistic and unhealthy expectations on them. 

Dear society, if we need men to be role models for the new generation, it all starts with teaching boys to not be men, but to be humans. This should not be a gender issue. Once we make this a human issue, toxic masculinity will fade.

Toxic masculinity is something that still needs to be addressed and the only way to help men learn that emotions don't devalue them or make them weak is by instilling that mindset within them from a young age. The dangers of toxic masculinity are clear and, as a society, it's important to remember that everyone is human and finding healthy ways to process emotions is important for all us, especially men.

Comments

  1. "As a society, we have failed to address the many traumas you face and we often punish behaviors without addressing the underlying issues that lead to those behaviors."

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